I'm getting pretty sick of feeling so anxious all the time. It's like, no matter what I'm doing, I always feel as though I should be doing something else. My brain wants something to be worried about, even though there really isn't anything to be worried about. I can't get over this feeling. It's making it nearly impossible to relax.
If I'm on the computer, I feel like I should go outside. If I'm outside, I feel like I should be writing. If I'm writing, I'm distracted by whatever J-Rock live I haven't watched yet. If I'm watching a live, I'll get inspired to study Japanese. If I'm studying Japanese I'll get caught up in translating the GazettE's lyrics. If I'm doing something GazE related I'll start thinking about video games I haven't finished...etc...etc...etc...
It's driving me insane. Can you imagine if I was actually taking college courses right now? Geez. I'd be a real winner.
I suppose a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have to see a new liver specialist in Ann Arbor next month sometime. New places, and new doctors always make me hella nervous. ESPECIALLY when they have the potential to tell me that there is something seriously wrong with my body. Which there is, but at the moment I feel healthy and strong. So I like to pretend that I'm fine, because I'm in denial.
Of course there's always inventory coming up at work on the 25th. Everyone I work with is starting to get all tensed up and stressed out with so many things needing to be done. It rubs off on me. Then I start worrying about things that shouldn't even phase me. Ugh. Just thinking about that made me remember that Evil Boss works in the morning. Tomorrow is going to suck big time.
So...like I predicted, I didn't write in the fanfic today. I took another nap, but not such a long one this time. Made a snazzy new layout featuring Ruki and Aoi of the GazettE (who else?), practiced Japanese, and vegged out on the front porch with my headphones for a little while. I wish that there was a volume setting that would drown out the voices in my head. Maybe Kai should just beat me with his drumsticks. Then I'd be numb to it all...or in too much pain to care.
Speaking of pain, my back is WAY better. I can actually BEND today. Wow! You really don't have any appreciation for that function until it's taken away from you. It's still sore as fuck though. I'm at least going to wait till the end of the week before I resume my regular Super Girl duties.
With that being said...
Goodnight folks.
I'm tired.
♥
P.S. This photo of ZERO of D'espairsRay just made me smile:
