It's TOO EARLY for this crap. 2009-09-02, 8:44 a.m.
I really need to stop looking up funny videos and do something constructive. I just can't help it though. It's like I have some sort of chemical imbalance and my body is craving the release of laughter. It probably doesn't help much that everyone in my household is a stressed out mess at the moment, and I pretty much have to seek out external hilarity and force it upon myself. *shrugs* Who knows anything anymore? I just know that this cracked me up bright and early this morning:
I still don't know what I'm going to do today. My grandma has to go get her hair done, but other than that there's really nothing planned. It's moments like these that I wish I was taking some college classes so that I could just spend the day at the school, or at the library, or SOMETHING.
I think I'm actually getting worn out from the monotony of my life. Everything is the same. Over and over. Every single day. I can pretty much tell you what someone is going to say to me before it even leaves their lips.
I keep wishing for something exciting to happen. I mean exciting in a good way. All I'm accustomed to is negative drama. I don't even think I'd know how to react properly if something spontaneously great happened to me. It would probably take a day or two for it to sink in.
Man...I'm so tired of this. I'm also tired of feeling like I'm whining about things. I KNOW that there isn't anything that can be done at the moment. I know I just have to grin and bear it. I just can't help the fact that I WANT TO PACK UP AND LEAVE just so that I can have a change of scenery and do something new. I want to see new faces. I want to hear new opinions.
I got incredibly tense the week of inventory because I found out that my ex is still living in the same city as me. He hadn't been online in a month, and I thought for sure he'd left the state like he kept saying he would. Nope...I could never get that lucky.
So now I'm back to constantly looking over my shoulders for him. I'm pretty much terrified to run into him. I don't have anything further to say to him, and I don't want his seeing me to stir up any leftover sentiments that he might have about me. It's been exactly a year and 4 months since the last time he tried to contact me. It's not been fucking long enough.
Argh. See? There I go again. Dwelling on the negative as usual. There's just so much of it around here that it's hard to do anything else. So off I go back to my funny videos, with hope that I'll be able to change this lifestyle of mine as soon as possible.
